It’s not too often…

that you can appreciate anything that one alleged “artform” does to bastardize another.

for the bulk of my twenty|something years on this planet, there has been one constant: Superhero/comic book based movies suck.

Enter Blade. In blade, Marvel found a vehicle for a blockbuster. A ccompelling story, a character undeveloped enough to arouse mystery, and the quickest way to get a script greenlit in Hollywood – Vampires.

Since then, someone determined that Superhero movies don’t have to be all Joel Schumaker garbage. Spider man came through on the heels of X-men (aka wolverine: the movie) Fantastic 4 allegedly wasn’t too good, and while Punisher and Daredevil were passable, both were too much budget and too little director.

Right about the time when people were trying to forget Elektra forever, DC, you know, the comic book guys?, threw their hat into the ring with 2 hugely ambitious projects.

The first, Batman Begins, reviving a 10-year hiatus of a franchise thought to be dead.

And the latter Superman Returns ending almost 20 years of anticipation from a film series darkened by tragedy (and, not to mention, bad scripts).

Batman Begins was amazing…but i have to say that between being too young to remember anything about the Man of Steel flicks, except that i knew for a FACT that Chris Reeve could actually fly, I was unsure of whether the new Superman would hold up to the cinematic miracle of the picture when i was a kid. If it’s not clear, I learned to read on comic books. I attribute at least a quarter of my general knowledge of physics, and random information to comic books. I’m a bit of a nerd like that. Fortunately, the side-effect of good super-flicks is everyone knowing wtf you’re talking about when you say

“no way man, the black suit is going to totally own!” (and btw, it will. wow, best trailer EVER!)…

venom! (I'm such a dork)

but i digress… The point is this:

I saw superman, and I saw a trailer for Spiderman 3. And Superman is one of those rare movies, which seem only to come from the superhero mix. It’s 157 minutes short, and visually, is stunning. The special effects are special again, and – in the words of the lady Quivers:

“It’s the superman you’ve always wanted them to make…”

The ONLY protests i had in the movie was

a. the campiness of some points, but (Superman Returns is supposed to pick up where Superman II left off), in a franchise where the lead character has previously flew around the world at such velocity as to send it hurtling into:

REWIND! (seriously)… so I can suspend disbelief on one or two counts.
REWIND! b. The other issue (SPOILER WARNING) i had was that Superman is this bastion of goodness, and American values, and when he comes back from space, and realizes his quasi-girlfriend is engaged with a kid, he attempts to woo her by taking her flying around Metropolis. Like, how do i compete with Superman? His competition is played by James Marsden (formerly, Cyclops of Xmen) – who even WITH his super-powers (obviously not present in Superman) falls short.

think about it:


  • Laser-eyeballs
  • cool sunglasses


  • Laser Eyeballs
  • X-ray eyeballs
  • invulnerability
  • superspeed
  • super-strength
  • super-cold-breath
  • doesn’t need to breathe, eat, or sleep
  • oh, and the mahfugga can fly!

Advantage: duh.

that aside, Superman Returns tipped a more than generous hat to the movies of my youth, and all but cemented the franchise back into the forefront of moviedom.

franchise, franchise, franchise, franchise, franchise, womp-womp. (I know you were thinking i said it too much, so there… dick).

until next time,

be brutal


2 Responses to It’s not too often…

  1. It’s going to be ending of mine day, except before finish I am reading this enormous article to improve my knowledge.

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