The formal announcement of my engagement to:

July 7, 2006

*drumroll*

Jessica Marie Alba, star of Cinema and Television. featured in Maxim (maybe 2wice).

The engagement would read like this:

MR. DAVID “ROCKSTAR” to wed MISS JESSICA MARIE ALBA

Mr. David Rockstar, of Baltimore, Maryland is proud to announce his engagement to Miss Jessica Marie Alba of Pomona, California.

Mr. Rockstar holds an honorary doctorate in the science of Thanology and is also a noted professional Read the rest of this entry »


“No way (he said sarcastically)!”

July 7, 2006

Subway rider attacked with power saws

Victim: “He was trying to cut through me”

CNN.com – Subway rider attacked with power saws – Jul 6, 2006

 

NEW YORK (CNN) — A man went on a rampage in the New York City subway Thursday, terrorizing riders with two battery-powered saws and critically wounding a 64-year-old man, police said.

Police arrested the 30-year-old man.

“The suspect encountered a 64-year-old male who was entering the subway station and assaulted the man in the chest before fleeing the scene,” said Sgt. Kevin Hayes of the New York Police Department. “The victim was removed and taken to St. Luke’s Hospital in critical but stable condition.”

The Associated Press said the victim was Michael Steinberg.

 

Steinberg told reporters that the assailant never spoke.

“I think he was out of his

mind,”

he told the AP.

 

Now let me get this straight… You THINK he was OUT OF HIS MIND!?!?

This is an absolute travesty. first, I looked @ this article and thought, that’s NUTS! the nut tried to kill this guy –

but then I felt bad that the “nut” didn’t succeed. The “nut” was obviously charged with a holy mission to rid the word of the functionally retarded.

I know this, because if some assailant finds himself inclined to attack me with a chainsaw, powersaw, hammer, Binford SteamDrill with Tri-Blade® attachment feature, I’m not only going to refuse to be a victim, but I’ll also be sure to commence teaching this “nut:” I’m not your guy – because I can swiftly and easily identify your desire to harm me, and will certainly think of something more sensational and/or clever to say to the press, even at the expense of the public’s view of my sanity.”

It’s quotes like “I think him were fixin’ to slice me!” that make you think to yourself any of the following impulses:

  • I wish I was there, to say something funny like “This isn’t the first time this week, THEY know who I am now, and they’ll stop at nothing to have me destroyed.” Get the press to contemplate whether you’re a costumed vigilante by night… or:
  • There’s no way evolution can be for real, because this story is a glaring example of Darwin & natural selection being BLATANTLY disproven.

Then again, definitely, this is why Ben Affleck remains a Hollywood icon.

ugh….

be brutal™

be brutal™


Thought this was funny….

July 6, 2006

Gotta give props to obscure observational humorists:

Hellfire Clubs.”We can’t win this militarily. It can only be won politically; it can only be won diplomatically and internationally…And you’ve got to listen to realism and what the public wants in the United States.” Hopefully (but not likely) heeding John Murtha’s words, Dubya’s Iraq team retreats to Camp David for a strategy pow-wow. By the way, is it just me or does the “Interagency Team on Iraq” look suspiciously like the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants?


This Kevinmcmurphy character hit that one right on the head.

lol, damn my newly liberal-esque views…

I blame howard stern.

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be brutal


It’s not too often…

July 6, 2006

that you can appreciate anything that one alleged “artform” does to bastardize another.

for the bulk of my twenty|something years on this planet, there has been one constant: Read the rest of this entry »